1. Find out who’s around. The short answer is no one, your friends have jobs. If you’re super lucky, you’ll have a roommate who only works part-time and maybe, just maybe, is entertaining a friend from out of town and who also very much wants to go the National Arboretum and lets you third-wheel it.
2. Ride the back of the tandem. This is a low-responsibility position, much like your current state in life, and you’ll have fun making up metaphors.
3. Arboretum, duh.
4. Koi pond! Touch the fish – it’s easier than expected, slippery and wildly satisfying.
5. Popsicles. This will immediately improve the mood of the group by a million, and you’ll talk strangely for a bit while your mouth is numb.
6. (Above) Only seek out the softest leaves for touching. If you can, find the one that feels like a lamb’s ear, and continue to repeat how much it feels like a baby animal.
7. WTF is this?
8. CRUCIAL: get a diner lunch. You’re lacking an income, so be sure to pick a place with terrible service so that when it takes an hour for your delicious sandwich to arrive, they offer to only charge you for your drinks (oh yea, get a beer – you’ve had a hard day, you deserve it). Save money, bask in your fiscal maturity.
9. Order the BLT – it’s your favorite, duh. Also ask the server to bring you a variety of dipping sauces. Maybe even request that one of them be honey mustard, but don’t be surprised when he comes back with: blue cheese, Thousand Island, A1, and cocktail sauce. (Spoiler: only one of these is delicious with french fries, and none of them with onion rings. Stick with ketchup)
11. Lastly, watch Manhattan. It’ll change the way you feel about Woody Allen movies and you’ll feel like you learned something – terribly important for morale. (The next day watch Hannah and Her Sisters, per suggestion, but try not to compare yourself to Holly – it’ll only bring you down).