One great thing about having an eternity of time on your hands is really embracing those opportunities for self-improvement that you maybe never thought you’d care about. We’re talking domesticity, folks. Cooking, cleaning, organizing, laundering, showering – how will you ever score that sugar daddy (goal for next week, for rreeaaaalllls) if you can’t even roast a whole pig while simultaneously bleaching your whites and creating the perfect table-scape for that last minute dinner party you just agreed to? You won’t, that’s the answer here.
That said, start slow – no need to overdo it with this much time to fill. Today we’ve got jam on the brain, even more so than usual.
Step 1: Put some laundry in the wash. The key to being a prize-winning trophy mistress is multi-tasking (or so I hear, from my reputable sources).
Step 2: Pour a glass of wine. Not because you deserve it, but because day-drinking is now your forte, and you need practice.
Step 2: Strawberries: mash them.
(Note: buy a masher. A whisk will not do what you want it to, and then you’ll just get grumpy and quit and end up with lumpy jam – albeit not the worst plague of mankind)
Step 4: Add sugar and pectin mix. Pour into jars.
Step 5: Buy a bread product. I didn’t do this, so now I just have “lookin’ jam” and not “eatin’ jam”, the enjoyment of which is highly limited.
Step 6: Bask. Crucial step here! You just made one thing out of another thing, high-five yourself if you have to.
Step 7: Find something to do with the other 15 or so hours you’re awake.
Step 7.5: Watch this